In waiting

I'm not apologizing.

Well, that's partially true.  I'll apologize if I do something wrong or if I offend someone of if I hurt somebody. 

But, I'm tired of being made to feel bad for who I am.

Like everyone else, I'm a complicated human being.  A mixed bag.  When I try and describe myself, I find that I am passionate, happy, tired, angry, loving, excited, wondering, child-like, mature, quick-witted, a slow learner.  I believe in relaxation, but that idle hands are indeed the devil's workshop.  I believe in cooking dinner and ordering a pizza when you're tired.  I believe in a strong family and supportive friends.  I believe that issues should be addressed in a kind manner.  I believe humor can solve many problems.  I believe in technology and in candles.  I believe in helping others to get started, but working to do the best you can to stay on your own two feet. 

And a number of other things, I'm sure.

I think sometimes that people who have a voice and an opinion can get a bad rap.  And, not to play the gender card, but especially when those people happen to be female.  And, I'm sort of tired of it.

1.  I will not apologize for wanting to spend time with my family.  I'm done feeling bad because I can't attend your kid's birthday party, office gatherings whatever else in the evenings/on weekends.  My priority when I'm not at work (and sometimes, when I am at work) is my family.  It's the reason why I work at all.  Period.

2.  I will not apologize for having opinions.  I am a human being and not a doormat.  I hold my tongue when necessary, but would prefer to share my thoughts.  I believe it's healthy.  I also process externally, and find that talking through things is helpful to me.  If you'd rather not talk with me, that's your choice.

3.  I will not apologize for caring too much.  It's who I am and what I do.  Little things bug me.  Big things bug me.  When things aren't right in the world, I like to fix them.  I've learned how to focus on the things that are most important, but I do care.

4.  I will not apologize for not being apathetic.  I NEVER want to become a person who says, "Well, I've learned that I can't worry about everything" or "Well, it's like this everywhere."  SO WHAT!!???  Just because this is the way it is or the way we've always done it, does not necessarily make it right or good.  I am realistic that everything can't be changed, but that does not remove my choices.  I can choose not to accept it.  I can choose not to like it.  And, I can even choose not to be a part of it.  I hope that I never waste even one moment on a person/job/activity that I find unacceptable without trying to change it.  Having serenity does not mean becoming apathetic!!

I have many friends who seem to have this amazing capability to forge ahead without worrying about what others think of them.  It's a quality I admire because it's not one I possess--but I'm working on it.  I am so thankful to have a husband and close friends and family who truly love me as I am, without any apologies.