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Plastic Mommy

I've made a big change in my life.

I'm not sure what took me so long to put it in writing. 

Maybe the fear of such a huge decision and so much change?

Maybe being afraid of what people would say?

Maybe not putting in writing keeps every aspect from being fully realized?

But, it's here.  If I hadn't made this decision, I would've returned to the office on August 1st.

Instead, I'm home.

Watching Wardie everyday along with other kiddos as a home childcare provider.

The transition has been full of so many things:  golden mornings where the kids are running around outside with the morning sun making little halos around their heads, frustrating lunchtime battles, naptime cries because of missing mom and dad, a surreal feeling of not being in an office for the first time in seven years, pangs of loneliness in missing friends and bits of boredom from feeling a bit "cooped up" at times. 

Sometimes I feel like a "plastic mommy" surrounded with primary colors and unbreakable bowls speaking in language that small ones will understand--wishing to be surrounded by loveliness...but then I take a moment to stop and look and listen, and I realize, I am.

I have been given a great gift.  I get to watch each growing moment of our son, and make income for our family.  I also get a glimpse into the mind of a child that I missed when I was working and rushing from place to place.  I really get to see their ups and downs, their triumphs and frustrations and the sweet giggles and personalities that I was often too busy to notice.  I have a new empathy for each of the children I care for.

The kinks are working themselves out.  I am learning how to balance daily life and to go to my "happy place" when I really just want to hang children upside down by their ankles.  (I promise I don't actually do this.)  I'm learning to be continuous in the maintenance of our home, so I'm not overwhelmed when the kids leave for the day and left with mountains of things to clean up.  I am finding outlets for my mind and creative juices that have long been stifled in the pursuit of creating as much family time as I could while working.  I am finding social outlets as a new Pampered Chef consultant and through our church.  I am also still serving others through our local food bank and other activities.

I am seeing the results of what happens when you truly step out in faith into something unknown and completely scary, and I have watched the pieces come together in the most beautiful way.

I have found that this was the right choice for our family and I believe this is pleasing to God.

I am happy.

Comments

  1. Shelly WildmanAugust 16, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    I wish you all the best in this BIG change. And I'm so glad you're happy in your decision. You won't regret the time you get to share with your little guy.

    ReplyDelete

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