Well, we all know I'm the worst about keeping up with a blog in addition to the other requirements of daily life, so here is my admittance of guilt at being inconsistent. Great, so now I can move on.
Our kids moved schools this year. They had been at a local Catholic school, and we moved to our public city schools this year. Of course, I was as nervous as nervous could be about the transition and as one of those moms who really tries to think things through before making a move.
I wondered about how they would fit in and whether they would miss the smaller school atmosphere and the caring community we had come to really enjoy and the daily impact of faith that was intertwined into all of their lessons and in every subject.
Of course, I discovered that most of my worries were not to be the reality we experienced. Our children having caring teachers, wonderful new friends, and are being challenged academically. They are happy and we are happy.
But there is one thing that is bothering me. GIRL DRAMA.
Now, I call it "girl drama," but in all fairness, I really shouldn't. Drama can come from both genders, but for some reason, we've allowed it to manifest in our young ladies.
Now, my daughter is 6. SIX. She is in first grade. She still cries over nothing when she's exhausted and loves stuffed animals and giggles at potty humor and wears crazy, non-matching outfits without caring what anyone thinks.
I'm talking about LITTLE GIRLS here.
She's been coming home lately discussing with me a lot of what is happening on the playground and actually asking my advice on how to handle it.
"Mom, so-and-so says I can only play with her and not the other girls, but this other girl is a good friend of mine, too, so I like to play with both of them!"
My advice has been to straight up tell her that you don't do "girl drama" and you just play with whoever you enjoy playing with and be kind and welcoming to others that may want to join.
And I get that this is all part of navigating childhood and that children have to learn how to handle all of these situations, but I have to say that this is NOT a natural childhood inclination. Children naturally hug kids they just met and pet animals and, in general, show love and kindness and innocence.
Which means that WE adults are somehow showing and teaching our children (and especially our girls) that a social hierarchy now starts as young as six.
So, I think this calls for some reflection. Maybe it's time that we all started doing some soul searching here. I certainly never have all the answers, but I do have some ideas for topics that might help us to look at some of our own behaviors that are perpetuating this nonsense.
Our kids moved schools this year. They had been at a local Catholic school, and we moved to our public city schools this year. Of course, I was as nervous as nervous could be about the transition and as one of those moms who really tries to think things through before making a move.
I wondered about how they would fit in and whether they would miss the smaller school atmosphere and the caring community we had come to really enjoy and the daily impact of faith that was intertwined into all of their lessons and in every subject.
Of course, I discovered that most of my worries were not to be the reality we experienced. Our children having caring teachers, wonderful new friends, and are being challenged academically. They are happy and we are happy.
But there is one thing that is bothering me. GIRL DRAMA.
Now, I call it "girl drama," but in all fairness, I really shouldn't. Drama can come from both genders, but for some reason, we've allowed it to manifest in our young ladies.
I'm talking about LITTLE GIRLS here.
She's been coming home lately discussing with me a lot of what is happening on the playground and actually asking my advice on how to handle it.
"Mom, so-and-so says I can only play with her and not the other girls, but this other girl is a good friend of mine, too, so I like to play with both of them!"
My advice has been to straight up tell her that you don't do "girl drama" and you just play with whoever you enjoy playing with and be kind and welcoming to others that may want to join.
And I get that this is all part of navigating childhood and that children have to learn how to handle all of these situations, but I have to say that this is NOT a natural childhood inclination. Children naturally hug kids they just met and pet animals and, in general, show love and kindness and innocence.
Which means that WE adults are somehow showing and teaching our children (and especially our girls) that a social hierarchy now starts as young as six.
So, I think this calls for some reflection. Maybe it's time that we all started doing some soul searching here. I certainly never have all the answers, but I do have some ideas for topics that might help us to look at some of our own behaviors that are perpetuating this nonsense.
- What types of media are we allowing our daughters to consume? Are we watching shows that show and elevate "girl drama" including cliques, rival clubs, etc.? Are we showing our daughters that the way to interact with other girls is to separate ourselves into smaller groups and compete for social status?
- What types of friendships do we have? Are we friends only with people who are exactly like us? Do we find ourselves taking pictures with our friends at every social event and looking at the photo and notice that we're all wearing the exact same things?
- How do we speak about other women? Do we gossip about their life choices? Do we talk about our friends negatively to other friends?
- How do we interact with our daughters? Are we more concerned about what they wear to school and how neatly their hair is combed because we see them as a reflection and extension of ourselves or do we allow them freedom to be themselves and learn to make their own choices? Do we focus too much on how cute they look?
Most of these things aren't bad on their own. We can have great conversations about cliquey girls after watching a show that includes cliques and we can enjoy friends who have lots in common with us and it's great to help our daughters get dressed up for school picture day.
BUT. I think it is crucial that we expect more from ourselves and our daughters.
Let's take in a little less media. Let's especially avoid media that continues to elevate the creation of social stepping stones for us and our daughters.
Let's encourage our daughters to develop good, kind friendships of children both alike and different than themselves. Let's work hard to develop these sorts of friendships in our own lives, too, and lead by example. After all, our lives are so much fuller with a variety of people in them.
Let's think before we speak. Perhaps we could even follow the old adage: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Let's make sure our daughters hear us praising and being excited for others, even behind their backs. Let's show them what being a good, kind, supportive friend and caring human looks like.
Let's rethink how we interact with our daughters. Let's allow them some autonomy of their bodies, hair, clothing, etc. Maybe we can talk to them about why we think certain patterns, etc. go together instead of being insulting about their choices. Let's embrace them if they like their hair down and messy or up in a ponytail everyday. Let's focus on the "content of their character" more than we worry about them being ready for a magazine spread.
Will any of this help? I'm not sure. But I think so. I think we can do better for our daughters.
I believe we must do better.
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